2 days ago
9
Like each white, middle-class Londoners, I subsist connected a fare comprised chiefly of salted caramel and katsu curry. It appears Grasshopper Manufacture, makers of maximalist enactment escapade Romeo is simply a Dead Man, admit that delightful matrimony of rice, breadcrumbs, and carroty condiment arsenic well. Our lad Romeo tin stitchery up katsu ingredients earlier delivering them to his waiting mum, who’ll crook them into 1 of 10 mouth-watering, buff-applying curries.
But tin those recipes nourish us, fleshy humans of IRL make, with the aforesaid benefits? To find out, I prepped, cooked, and taste-tested each 10 of Romeo’s mum’s katsu creations successful my ain kitchen.
Katsu Stargazer
Tasting notes: This is straight-up pork katsu curry, and arsenic such, is marvellous. Warming and comforting, with a tickle of vigor from the cumin and immoderate balancing acidity from the herb puree. Best eaten instantly aft coming indoors connected a face-shatteringly acold day.
Effects: Increases Amount of Emerald Flowsion obtained. Emerald Flowsion is simply a currency successful Romeo is simply a Dead Man, but aft consulting with IGN’s HR department, I learned that eating this curry has not convinced them to wage maine more. In fact, adjacent with Nectar paper discounts, I estimation this crockery enactment maine astir £6 successful the hole.
Katsu Max 95
Tasting notes: Also delicious, adjacent if – successful spite of the in-game statement – it’s astir arsenic Indian arsenic sumo wrestling. The food does marque the condiment beautifully smooth, though, and the stacking of the breaded chickenhearted creates a pleasant optical illusion of having much breaded chicken. Just don’t expect, if you marque this yourself, to execute the aforesaid yellowish colour arsenic successful Grasshopper Manufacture’s artwork. On the ground of this experiment, that would necessitate truthful overmuch food that your curry would legally go a croissant.
Effects: Increases defence. I caught my digit portion loading the dishwasher with curry-smeared plates and it inactive bloody hurt. Failure.
Katsu Tech
Tasting notes: A threefold disappointment. One, the aubergine (or "eggplant" if you don't unrecorded successful a state for grownups) unleashed a burst of unpleasant wateriness erstwhile bitten. Two, adjacent a tiny dollop of yoghurt saps the flavour from what is already a comparatively unspiced recipe. And three, I person nary thought however to get those circuit committee markings. If anyone does, email me.
Effects: Prevents DeadGear glitches. In Romeo is Dead Man, these glitches manifest arsenic impermanent velocity and spot ailments, accompanied by arsenic overmuch on-screen technowank interface spam arsenic a modern gaming show tin acceptable without exploding. The real-life equivalent of these is evidently a migraine, which I haven’t had since eating the Katsu Tech, but past I’ve besides ne'er had a migraine successful my life. Inconclusive.
Katsu Flight 89
Tasting notes: The coconut beverage makes this an unusually runny condiment by katsu standards, though dissimilar with Katsu Tech’s smothering yoghurt blanket, it’s inactive a precise tasty liquid. Good outcry connected the cloves, Romeo’s mum. Regrettably, tofu tastes similar farts to me, though it does person large visual entreaty arsenic a panko dredging level – look however satisfyingly blocky it is, adjacent with my uneven browning work.
Effects: Increased ranged limb onslaught power. My residents' relation says I’m not allowed to trial worldly similar this immoderate more.
Katsu Lift
Tasting notes: Holy fuck. The crockery banal successful this – I utilized powdered Dashi, which I’m told is socially acceptable – is simply a 50 kiloton umami bomb, which makes the different accepted condiment adjacent much urgently scarfable. There’s a dilatory gathering (if inactive rather light) spiciness, and the chunky vegetables are arsenic satisfying to munch connected arsenic the meat. I don’t adjacent similar mushrooms, but erstwhile they’re coated successful this thick, rich, sticky sauce, they’re a welcomed guest. Superb each round.
Effects: Muffles your presence, making you undetectable to enemies. Despite the toothsomeness, oregon possibly due to the fact that of it, I indispensable deem this unsuccessful. I became not lighter but heavier upon this curry’s consumption, an effect that persisted until the pursuing morning.
Katsu Moab
Tasting notes: Another enjoyably saccharine curry, arsenic you’d expect from 1 filled with bee milk. That plays precise nicely with the maize and is joined, mostly harmoniously, to a mild back-of-the-throat burn, courtesy of the cumin. The unsliced pork cutlet presents a rice-smushing hazard erstwhile chopped into, but this tin beryllium sidestepped by lifting it up and giving the full happening a tasty gravy bath.
Effects: Helps the legs and feet, making it harder to stagger. I’m notoriously, possibly adjacent infamously staggerable. The Katsu Moab didn’t noticeably assistance successful this regard, though 1 could reason that by providing basal nutrition, it did ward disconnected decease by starvation by somewhat longer than if I’d eaten thing astatine all. In that sense, it did support maine upright.
Katsu Force One
Tasting notes: This is simply a creaseless and not unpleasant rice-and-sauce dish, but the reddish vino takes it excessively acold distant from curry – fto unsocial katsu curry – for my tastes. It besides drowns some the cloves and the garlic, 2 of the recipe’s 3 large seasoners.
In its defence, I did marque 2 mistakes connected this one. Firstly, what looked similar uncredited reddish chillies successful the representation are, successful hindsight, much apt to beryllium Julienned tomatoes, meaning I surrounded the atom craft bearer with scorching blistery oversea mines for nary reason. Secondly, I cheaped retired connected the steaks, ending up with nutrient that was adjacent little edible than it was easy cuttable into B-2 bomber shapes. Should person got sirloins, anserine boy.
Effects: Increases melee limb onslaught power. As with the Moab, I’m forced to reason that this does enactment connected a cardinal biologic level. Especially if you tin chew done the protein.
Katsu Pulse
Tasting notes: While the show of this (and the Max 95) mightiness bring Anglo-Indian relations to an each clip low, the Katsu Pulse is bully eatin'. The spinach provides a freshness to what initially looks similar a darker, heavier sauce, and my improvised food heartbeat – made by Mouli-grating imitation parmesan done a crude insubstantial stencil – ended up blending successful unexpectedly well. Yes, fine, this some looks and tastes much similar chickenhearted parm than saag paneer, but it inactive delivered the vibrancy that a katsu should.
Effects: Prevents virus-type presumption ailments. I mean, I consciousness okay.
Katsu Presto
Tasting notes: Coffee successful a katsu? I was prepared to hatred this. I was afloat expecting to curse revenge connected the antheral who would situation premix the devil's legume particulate with my beloved katsu, making a humor oath to way him down and footwear him truthful hard betwixt the legs that helium becomes Suda49. But nary – it’s decent. The java simply serves up a interaction of bitterness and earthiness, without the full happening tasting similar a treble espresso, portion the fennel and turmeric physique yet much flavour layers connected top. I lone privation I’d gone with with bigger mushrooms – not to lick immoderate sensation problems, but to liven up the alternatively plain presentation.
Effects: Reduces Bastard cooldown time. While applying the due Sean Bean impression, I averaged 3 “Bastard”s per 2nd (or 10,800 per hour) some earlier and aft eating. Ineffective.
Katsu Python
Tasting notes: The dominance of the cocoa means this should truly beryllium served, sans beef, arsenic a benignant of post-curry dessert, alternatively than a katsu main successful its ain right. Nevertheless, it’s perfectly edible: heavy and affluent and not overly sweet, with the people sugary carrots a fitting veg choice. The added chillies are again inspired by the representation earlier the recipe, though I reckon they’re essential, the vigor cutting done the stickiness of the chocolatey sauce.
Effects: Increases the magnitude of humor obtained. I’m satisfied that this "curry" helped, successful immoderate tiny way, to archer my peritubular cells to commencement secreting erythropoietin, which melted into my bony marrow to substance the commencement of caller stem cells, that would successful crook alteration into reddish humor cells successful an invisible yet wondrous creation that underpins the unparalled occurrence we telephone life. Unfortunately, the curry successful the crippled increases humor collected from enemies, truthful this is pointless.
Some verdicts, then:
Best tasting curry: Katsu Lift
Most effectual curry (real life): Katsu Force One, if mostly successful theory
Most effectual curry (in-game): Also Katsu Force One, it’s a hack ‘n’ slash
Flat with the slightest cooperative lighting for taking photos of food: Mine
Romeo is simply a Dead Man is retired present connected PC.
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